Laugh

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

***********************************************************

The Dead Cow and Vet School

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their
first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with
a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In
Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as
a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal body." For an example, the Professor pulled back
the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it
and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students
freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns
sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Life's tough; it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Labels: Jokes, Laugh